Video 1 Sep 21,454 notes







Dani, you’re still all up on the Slow Loris train, right?

Photo 31 Aug 9 notes oldsparky:

Mining for treasures deep in my bones.

This guy, you guys, seriously…
Half a world away, literally, and still painfully cute.


Mining for treasures deep in my bones.

This guy, you guys, seriously…

Half a world away, literally, and still painfully cute.

via Old Sparky.
Text 29 Aug 6 notes


I would like a good makeout and a big ass bag of salt and vinegar potato chips.

please and thank.

I love that the notes on this so far are from 3 of my favorite Tumblr boys.

Thanks for supporting my wants, fellas!

Text 28 Aug 6 notes

I would like a good makeout and a big ass bag of salt and vinegar potato chips.

please and thank.

Video 28 Aug 122,694 notes

I adore the third picture down of Blue and Jay Z, because his face is the same one I have made countless times: the face that says, “How are you so adorable, please let someone else be seeing how fucking adorable my child is, this can not be wasted on an audience of one.”

(Source: sheldony)

Chat 27 Aug 76,683 notes
  • Lady on the bus next to me: Tell me again- what are you not going to do in daycare today?
  • Little boy: I will not hit the teacher with a light saber.
  • Lady: And why are you not going to hit her with a light saber?
  • Boy: It is my toy, and my choice, but if I hit her with the light saber, I'm acting like a Sith.
  • Lady: Do you want to be a Sith?
  • Boy: No! I am Obi-Wan!
via Dinosaury.
Text 27 Aug 16 notes


Just wrote out the list of instructions for our dog sitter this weekend. They are as follows:

1.    Mornings

  • Let them out to pee. The black one eats poop. Watch him.
  • One cup of food per dog. The black one likes to eat his brother’s food. Watch him.
  • The black one gets a fish oil (he’ll eat it whole) and an allergy pill. Hide it in cheese or meat. He may eat the treat and spit the pill out. Watch him.

2.    Day time

  • Yaeger just sleeps or lounges most days. The black one will destroy anything he can get his mouth around. Watch him.
  • Remember to put the baby gate up. Move the chair away from it. The black will use it to jump the gate. Watch him.
  • Push anything you don’t want chewed away from the edge of the table. Push in the chairs. The black one will get paper, sunglasses, wallets, shoes, food and anything else you cherish and destroy it. Watch him.

3.    Dinner

  • If you leave them alone during the day, the black one will shit and/or piss on the floor. There is floor cleaner on the table. If you don’t pick it up right away, he’ll probably eat it. Watch him.
  • They each get one more scoop of food apiece at around 5-7 pm. They usually get a treat after they go outside to potty too. The black one will steal his brother’s treat. Watch him.
  • About 20 minutes after they eat again, they’ll need to go potty. The black one will fake you out and pretend like he doesn’t need to poop. He does. If you bring him back inside before he poops, he’ll shit on the floor. Make him stay outside. Watch him.

4.    Bedtime

  • These asshole animals will want to sleep in the bed with you. They are terrible bed mates. The black one farts. Watch him.
  • If you don’t want them to sleep with you, lock them out of the room but close the bathroom and second bedroom doors. The black one will steal stuff out of the garbage, destroy toilet paper or rummage through my dirty clothes. Watch him.
  • If they whine or cry, you can turn on the window unit a/c. Makes for great white noise and usually drowns them out. The black one will cry like he’s being murdered. He’s not. You don’t have to watch him.

As the loving dog auntie that petsat these glorious little beasts last time their parents went on vacation, I can say with absolute certainty that all this is true.

The ONLY exception is that I used enough cheese around the pill for “the black one” in the morning that he never spat it out. And yes, I was watching him to make sure. I always watch him. Always.

Video 27 Aug 224,773 notes


i would have no use for this

there’s not a reason in the world i could ever come up with to use this product

but i want it

I have some of this stuff!

I was given it by a friend who is a next level random gift giver, and it is exactly as cool as this gif series suggests, which is to say: REALLY FREAKING COOL!!!

(Source: teknolojimanya)

Text 25 Aug 2,772 notes reblog if you had a livejournal





PSH! #diaryland

Live journal, DEAD JOURNAL (bow before your elder goth, children) AND diaryland. Been on that blogging game for more than a decade.

Live Journal and Deadjournal here too! What you wanna know about some bad angsty poetry?

(Source: likeitsstolen)

Text 25 Aug 6 notes Blue Man Group first night of work

AMAAAAAAAAAAZING first night of work.

Amazing. No other words. Just…… GAH! Best job ever.

Met the cast, met the crew, watched the band promenade around the casino floor in full neon light regalia, watched the show, got fitted for my flight suit so I can be a back stage stealth commando, and found out we get free meals on site, and they are delicious. I described my mood to my boss at the end of the night as “palpable happiness”.

The overwhelming joy pouring out of that audience from the second the band took the casino floor to the moment the curtain went down after the encore is something I could feed off of for years. I am giddy. I feel like I’m home.

Video 25 Aug 34,535 notes



the airplane scene is truly iconic.

This is how I friendship, guys. Aggressive compliments aided by brown liquor. 

It’s true, she does do this.

Text 25 Aug 77,483 notes

professional-professional said: Would you like it in the vag or ass when I rape you?




At least now that I disabled Anonymous asks, your own face is attached to your pitiful hatemail.


And if you recognize this ugly mug, shoot me a name!


ETA: He’s been tracked down.


Reblog the shit out of this so it shows up on every background search done by every guy trying to hire him ever.


Hey there Brandon Bayard, good luck on the rest of your well deserved shit stain of a life.

via shmemson.
Text 25 Aug 37,727 notes

Anonymous said: i got my ass ate in the men's room @ olive garden thnx for this opportunity



via shmemson.
Photo 24 Aug 425 notes It’s been a while since I’ve laughed hard enough to startle my child…

It’s been a while since I’ve laughed hard enough to startle my child…

Photo 24 Aug 17,086 notes

(Source: killerside)

via shmemson.

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